The Bill

The restaurant that Mark chose was a good one. There were gorgeous high ceilings with a decadent – surely hand-crafted – chandelier beaming just the right amount of dim light throughout the dining hall. Their table had all the right types of cutlery, and the cocktails were surely to Julia’s liking.

It was safe to say that their first date was going about as swimmingly as the aquarium in the center of the hall, “…But there are no fish, Robert!” Mark said with impeccable comedic timing to a well-led-up joke. Julia laughed so hard that the last sip of her French 75 nearly erupted from her nostrils. She covered her mouth and they chuckled with red faces together.

Once all their food and drink had been consumed, their server went over to the table, respectfully removed their plates and glasses, then ensured everything was to their liking. To that, Mark patted his stomach in satisfaction, and Julia nodded her head.

“Splendid, in that case, would you like one bill or two this evening?” the server asked that dreadful question.

It was only then that Mark realized just how much they had dined. He sat in silence as time slowed and he pondered, ‘…appetizers, mains, deserts, and plenty of cocktails…the bill would be hefty, there’s no doubt. But I don’t see why we shouldn’t split the bill, right? However, I invited her to dinner, and I am the man, so I suppose I should pay for the bill…Don’t want to seem cheap…’ Mark thought. Julia sat quietly across the table. In his thinking, Julia was left to wonder.

‘What on earth is taking him so long to answer?’ Julia couldn’t help but notice the server standing awkwardly at the table awaiting a response while balancing their plates.

‘Based on the look of his face,’ Julia thought, “he’s either constipated, or he wants to split the bill and doesn’t know how to say it… I don’t mind. We did have plenty. And, if he really wanted one bill, he would have said something already, right?’

Mark opened his mouth to say, one bill, when Julia spoke up first, “We’ll take two bills, please.” The server nodded. “Right away,” and he was off.

Right after Julia said that, she glanced at Mark and saw a puzzled look to him. They made awkward eye contact and she turned away, thinking, ‘Dang-it! You jumped the gun, Julia. He was going to ask for one.’

‘Sweet!’ Mark thought, ‘Saving money today, very nice!’ That was his attitude, until he saw that Julia would not meet his eyes. ‘Mark, you imbecile! She thinks that you’re broke!’

Julia retrieved her wallet and smiled as kindly as she could at him. Mark returned the gesture, but he was screaming on the inside, ‘Oh! Now you’ve done it! It was going so well until now. Gosh…how do I fix this? Simple, dummy, just ask for one bill…’

The server returned, “Here you are folks, two bills as requested.”

“Thanks,” Julia said and reached for her bill.

“Um, sir, there was a misunderstanding…We will just take the one bill today, thank you.” Mark then handed his bill back to the server. He looked between the couple at the table in confusion then said, “Of course sir…my apologies, I will return in a moment with one bill.” The server grabbed the two bills, crumpled them to oblivion and strutted off.