“Let me confirm that with my boss today. Should be fine,” said James.
Anneliese noted that Ella hadn’t asked if her company would be willing to sponsor an ad. Just as well, she thought, as she didn’t think her boss would be likely to support the request, given her trend of lackluster performance reviews. She said slowly, “Dad said you got asked to the Prom.”
“Yeah,” Ella avoided looking at her. “Not like you care.”
James’ eyebrow rose imperceptibly as he said, “What’s happening after school?”
Anneliese, stung, deflected with, “Are you home for dinner?” at the same time.
“Me and a bunch of friends are going to hang out at Ryan’s house, order pizza, and then go to Hanging Rock at sunset.”
“Is Derek going too?” The moment it came out, she regretted it.
Ella cooly responded, “Yes, Mom.” She stood, tilted her cereal bowl up to her mouth finishing the last bit of milk, and moved towards the sink looking at her phone. She responded with lightning-fast fingers to a message, and with her back turned to them, said, “When can we go dress shopping?”
James looked up at Anneliese from his eggs and toast. Silence hung in the air.
Anneliese mumbled, “What are Brittany and Laila doing?”
Ella turned to face them, accusation in her eyes. “They both already have their dresses, they looked at dresses in boutiques in King of Prussia, in the city, and in Short Hills. Laila ended up having to order hers online because she is so tiny.”
Anneliese, at a loss, withered under the look Ella was fixing on her. “Maybe you should do that too.”
Ella rolled her eyes, “I wanna try stuff on! Why can’t we go this weekend?” Her shoulders dropped in frustration as she took in her mother’s inertia. “Why do you suck?” she hissed. “I don’t have time for this!” She grabbed her water bottle and backpack and tore out of the kitchen.
James called after her, “Don’t forget our ride! I’m leaving work early today.”
The front door slammed. James put down his fork, and said in a measured tone, “Anneliese, you knew she wanted to go to Prom, whether or not it was going to be with Derek. What’s the plan?”
Anneliese snapped, “I don’t know about that stuff! Why don’t you figure it out and take her?” She whipped around, her face aflame though her back was to James. She grabbed the coffee pot and poured until it nearly overflowed. She slammed the pot back into the coffee machine and stabilized the trembling with hands on the counter edge and elbows locked.
Ella’s needing help to shop for her dress and shoes, and plan for hair, nails and makeup was more than Anneliese could muster the energy for. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Ella to have nice things, it was more that she couldn’t figure out what to do to help her. She had no familiarity with womanly trends and was unable to ebb the worsening indifference to life moving forward all around her: the disinterest and the low mood, her old demons. She managed in her twenties, but she had stopped noticing and caring over the years, a cycle rooted in the self-consciousness of not being like other women, not fitting in, not saying the right thing, not looking as she should. Now these things seemed unreachable.
