Father taught me patience and understanding are stronger than anger

Six months after my younger sister was born in 1976, my father moved from India to Canada. After enduring a lengthy struggle for 11 years, he finally obtained his PR card, paving the way for his wife and six children back home to secure a brighter future. Upon receiving his PR card, he felt immense joy at the prospect of returning to reunite with his children and wife, followed by the process of applying for their immigration to Canada.
 
Reestablishing contact with an individual after an extended period can stir various intense feelings, frequently encompassing joy, relief, and a hint of nostalgia. He was prepared to return home and see us in 1986, but fate had different plans for his journey.
 
One of my uncles commented when my father felt chest pain at night. That moment is etched in my heart and mind—a time filled with fear, helplessness, and deep sorrow. We quickly took him to the hospital. We held onto hope for his recovery, but before dawn, he left us forever. In that instant, the world faded away, leaving him wrapped in a deep numbness, he said. Then, soon after, he called us back home to share the sad news about himself.
 
At 16, I contemplated what to say and what strength I could find against that daunting challenge. A father is a mentor, a protector, and a constant source of love. My father represented all of this and beyond. His presence was the foundation of my life, even at the young age of five when he left us. I rarely felt a father’s affection, but in our moments together, his wise words and compassionate heart stood out. He completed his duties with outstanding integrity.
 
He consistently demonstrated a willingness to assist the community on our street, and his character left a lasting impression on many individuals. His soothing voice and the lessons he imparted will always remain etched in my memory. My father possessed an unshakeable belief in my abilities.
 
He taught honesty, humility, and patience, showing these values in his life as well as his words. My current position is a direct result of my father’s influence and support. He consistently imparted wisdom drawn from his life experiences, emphasizing that true strength is found in kindness and that success should not be quantified by material wealth but rather by the cherished memories we create with others. I recall my father in every instant. His laughter illuminated our household, his guidance served as my compass, and his sacrifices laid the groundwork for my aspirations.
 
Despite his busy schedule, he always found time to listen to my thoughts. My father’s warm, generous spirit endeared him to all. Observing the despair reflected in my mother’s gaze profoundly affects me. She has consistently demonstrated strength alongside my father, yet his absence has rendered her profoundly lonely. Even with six of us—her children and the grandchildren—all around her, we still cannot fathom life without a husband, a life partner; it will never be the same.
 
The profound sense of helplessness and the unspoken anguish she endures resonate with me deeply on a daily basis. I desire for her to possess strength, yet the absence of my father remains irreplaceable.
 
Even though it has been 39 years since he departed, and 35 years in Canada the world still appears less beautiful than it once did. Although his physical presence is no longer with me, I sense his closeness with each breath I draw. Father, though you may not be present, your memory will forever reside within my heart. The enduring impact of your compassion and generosity will motivate me daily. I will uphold your aspirations, honour your memories, and embrace the life you bestowed upon me with the same integrity and respect that you consistently advocated. You will always be my most esteemed hero. Rest in peace, Father, until we reunite.
 
He always pointed me in the right direction. He always told me that obstacles are a part of life; a resilient person faces these challenges with calm and understanding, looking for solutions.
 
He shared that, no matter the challenge, anger isn’t the solution; true strength comes from patience and understanding. His support was my base. In tough times, he would often say, ‘Stay strong; your courage is your greatest strength.’ I believe that those who disrespect their parents are truly unfortunate.
 
Even now, I cherish every word my father uttered, as they have become the core of my identity. I teach my kids these lessons so they can also be good, tolerant people. I want my kids to face challenges and achieve their goals, like my dad did.
 
Man holding a red heart
author
Surjit Singh Flora is a veteran journalist and freelance writer based in Brampton.
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