Charles was an avid history buff. His home library was full of books on various cultures and time periods throughout history. It was inevitable that their conversations would broach this subject. “I’d like to go to England some day,” he told her during one of their talks.
“You would love it, Charles. With your zest for history, you would be in Shangri La. There would be lots for you to discover. We have some excellent museums and ancient sites. A great journey into the past awaits you, Charles.”
“Yes, your culture has a storied past to be sure. I’d love to see it. Maybe you could take me someday?”
“Charles, don’t be daft.”
“I love the way you talk, Natalie.”
***
Over the course of time their discussions started to unveil some sinister notes of discontent within both camps. Each was more than forthcoming with tales of misery and unhappiness, of lives unfulfilled, unlived, unloved.
She was staring blankly out the window, when he arrived at her office.
“Natalie. What’s wrong?”
She ignored him.
Again he asked, “Are you okay?”
She never answered, never looked at him.
“Natalie, look at me.”
“What do you think, Charles?” She spun around in her chair and looked in his direction.
He saw that she had been crying. “No. Actually, you don’t look good at all. What’s wrong?”
With Natalie’s boss out of the office, the two of them were able to have a lengthy conversation. Her eyes welled up as she spoke. “He’s never there for us. He’s always too busy running the damn business. David is more intimate with his customers than he is with me. He doesn’t even make time for his own children. The three of us are a family; he’s just some stranger who stops by now and then, it seems. I’m just so tired of it. Do you know what life is without love? It’s no life at all. It’s an empty shell, a black hole. There are no warm smiles, no laughter, and no other voices. If you have not loved or been loved, then you have not lived at all.”
“I hear you, Nat,” he said, handing her a tissue. “I know exactly what you mean. I have always told myself I was happy, but knew I wasn’t. Cynthia was the first woman who ever paid any attention to me. I never really had girlfriends as such, so of course this was all new to me and I dove in head first. I guess I was smitten.”
She looked at him, as she wiped the tears away. “Charles, what are you saying?”
“What I’m saying is I got married for all the wrong reasons. She was the first one.” He seemed embarrassed, but continued.
“We rushed into it, got married, had kids, you know? Anyway, over time, things seemed okay, but I was always looking for something else. I couldn’t explain it really, but I wasn’t satisfied, content. Don’t get me wrong, Nat, back then I loved my wife and my kids. They were my life. But I wasn’t fulfilled. Something was missing. As the kids got older and with the two of us working all the time, we started to drift apart. There was no talking, no loving. You can pretend, but there is a difference. Once the pretence is lifted, you are left with yourself, alone. And if you can’t even love yourself, then who can you love? You are dead.”
“Yes, Charles, I know the feeling. Two people living under the same roof, but living separate lives, uncaring, unloved.”
“That’s it, exactly.”
“Charles. The two of us are living the same life, one that neither of us wanted. Did you ever look elsewhere for love?” she asked.
He hesitated briefly before answering. “Yes,” he said, embarrassed. “I did go looking.” He had turned a brilliant shade of red. “I’m not proud of it, but it happened.”
“What happened?”
“A group of us from work, guys and girls went out for drinks one night. We had a great evening. I was feeling no pain and put the moves on one of the girls I had taken a liking to. Anyway, we ended up at her house and in bed together.”
“Did you make love to her, Charles?” she asked, tensing in anticipation of the answer.
“No!” he paused briefly. “I…I couldn’t. I had too much to drink.” Natalie breathed a sigh of relieve.
A deafening silence had enveloped the two of them. That silence was finally broken by Natalie. “Would you make love to me?” she asked.
As their eyes met, no answer was required.
***
