Yawn.
As if in a dream, Jarvis heard the insistent beep of an alarm clock. (His alarm clock?)
Confusion reigned in his sleepy haze, but at any rate, he could not will his arm to lift, nor make his hand push the “off” button (?).
Funny thing. As though watching himself from the ceiling of his bedroom, he thought he saw his hand reach over and hit the button anyway.
Blink. Blink. Blink blink blink.
And moments later, beep-beep-beep.
Jarvis’s alarm clock, signaling ‘time to get up’.
(Again?)
He lifted his arm, reached his hand and pushed the button (exactly like the vision he had just had), immediately silencing all further beeps.
(Like déjà vu. But not … exactly. Weird.)
Cassie was still under the covers but beginning to stir. Let her sleep, at least until the coffee was made.
Shuffling toward the kitchen in his pajamas and slippers, Jarvis gave out with a jaw-stretching, open-mouthed roar of a yawn … after which he somehow ‘saw’ Groucho snarfing up the kibble in his dog dish!
Wait a minute. Jarvis had not yet reached the kitchen! How could he even ‘see’ his big Lab’s bowl, in the corner next to the refrigerator?
And now, here was Groucho, coming behind him from the bedroom to sniff at his pajamas cuffs!
(What the…?)
Arriving at the kitchen, he scooped food into the dog’s bowl while puzzling over the morning’s odd occurrences. Placing the bowl on a mat near the refrigerator, he gazed in baffled amazement as Groucho once again snarfed up the food. Exactly as he had envisioned the scene only ten seconds ago!
This was no déjà vu – at least not the ordinary kind where you swear you’ve seen something before. No. Now the ephemeral vision appears BEFORE he ever actually sees it. It was like PREjà vu!
“I am seeing ten seconds. Into. THE. FUTURE!”
(Holy cheese and crackers!)
How did I do it? wondered Jarvis.
The coffee grinder howled and growled (certain to scramble Cassie out of the rack) and Mr. Coffee burbled contentedly as he worked his morning magic.
Need coffee now. Another big expansive yawn.
As the first delicious draught of heavenly brew coursed down his gullet and right into his nervous system, Jarvis ‘saw’ Cassie, drowsy, head down, in her bathrobe and flip-flops, shuffle through the bedroom door, where she caught the toe of a flip-flop on the threshold, sending her stumbling into the hallway with muttered curse.
(That’s three! Three PREjà vus!) thought Jarvis, as he heard his wife open the bedroom closet to get her robe.
(It’s the yawn! The trigger is THE YAWN!)
“Watch your step, Shug", he called out.
“What?”
Trip. Stumble. Muttered curse.
Jarvis voraciously drew in another fulsome draught of his fresh brew. Ahhhhhh.
Cassie, fisting sleep from her eyes, shuffled into the kitchen and perked at the proffered steaming pot.
“Ready for coffee, Taylor Swift?”
“Very funny, Jar. Yes. Coffee. Now. What did you holler to me in the bedroom?”
“I warned you to watch your step.”
“Great timing, champ.”
“Oh, it’s more than great timing, kid.”
Cassie yawned. “What do you mean?”
Jarvis took another hefty belt of his java, rested his mug on the countertop and gave his wife a mysterious grin. “Ask me what’s new.”
Cassie stirred in her creamer. “Oh, okay! What’s NEW there, Jarvis?”she asked with sincerely faked enthusiasm.
He gave her an ominous and crooked grin, “My new superpower.”
“Which is what … you take out the garbage without me asking?”
Jarvis chortled, “Au contraire, my silly young friend. A superpower much more amazing than you can imagine.”
Cassie sipped and deadpanned, “Do tell.”
“I can see THE FUTURE.”
“Oka-a-a-a-a-a-y. What’s the punchline?”
“Seriously, kid. I can tell you what’s going to happen in the next ten seconds.”
“Alright, Nostril-dumbass, please demonstrate.”
“Okay, hold on.”
Jarvis waited for a yawn to come. And waited.
Nothing.
(The coffee … he drank the coffee! Dammit! Caffeine! No more yawns!)
“Hell-o-o-o? Future calling for Jarvis on line one ─ pick up please!” Cassie taunted.
“Just hold your water there, kid.” (Okay, he thought - just fake a yawn.) Threw back his head, stretched his arms, extended his jaw, made a yawn-y sound.
Nothing.
Another attempt at manufacturing a yawn, a big Hollywood production of a yawn.
Nada. Zip. Less than zero.
“Sounds like feeding time at the zoo, Slugger. Is this the opening act? When does the headliner come on?”
(Dammit, no yawns! No ten seconds into the future!)
For a moment, Cassie’s eyes seemed to glaze over, and then squeezed shut, as her mouth opened and emitted a forceful yet petite sneeze - “Ker- choooie!” from which she quickly recovered.
But with a bewildered expression on her face.
Turning to Jarvis, “Well?”, asked Cassie expectantly, “the future?”
Puzzled, Jarvis offered, “Well … I guess sometimes it doesn’t work.”
Her eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped.
“I knew you were gonna say that!”
